Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
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