Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
