If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
