I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
