oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Randomize
