i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
