i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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