He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
We're not piercing ourselves today.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
