Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
