Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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