youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
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