Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
