I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
