too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
