these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
