Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Randomize
