All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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