My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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