Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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