no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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