so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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