I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
