I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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