I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
