everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
