Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
