So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
