Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
