I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
