We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
