I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
