My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
i dont even know how to be here
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
