I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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