I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
