He uses pillows to masturbate.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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