from now on my penis is your penis
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
