I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
