Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
