It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
