If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
there's paper in my vomit.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
