one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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