Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
