i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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