Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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