Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
