I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
