I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
