and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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