no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
