I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
