I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
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