He disabled his match.com account in front of me
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
