Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
