Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
