A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
