Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
