I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
