I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
