There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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