I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
