I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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