Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
