Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
