That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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