Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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