Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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