Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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