plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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